2 Years – 730 days.

2 years. That means it’s been 730 days since I’ve seen her beautiful face and held her in my arms. 730 days of healing and saying yes to the process of learning and leaning. Leaning into the only one that can speak the truth that sets the soul free, leaning into Grace, leaning not on my own understanding but leaning into the [space] so that I HAVE to come face to face with it all – my unravelling.

We do not grieve as the world grieves (overwhelmed with grief like many others who have no hope – 1 Thes 4:13) for we DO have HOPE! The hope of salvation, the hope that after this short life has passed us by that we will stand face to face with love Himself – Jesus! A glorious reunion, see – she – is 730 days into her best life – her Endless Summer and while the space sometimes feels like the Grand Canyon and my heart aches to share my secrets, laughs & tears with her – I hold onto this glorious Hope.

HOWEVER…

I WAS struggling, my heart was carrying within it a lot of pain & disappointment. The weight of responsibility, the desire to fill the big gap where her BIG life & love was, wanting to make it better and take away all the pain I saw in the eyes of my parents & the ones who cherished her – all of the things. It hurt soo bad, it filled my heart and mind with questions I just couldn’t seem to work through.

The accuser is really good at accusing – accusing the Lord, selling the lie that he’s not good, and accusing me – repeatedly pushing ‘Its all your fault!’ And boy did I feel it! I knew it wasn’t the truth, my spirit KNEW he is and always has been good but my heart desperately needed a face to face with truth. I contended for this encounter for a long time and while I waited, I chose. I chose Him. I chose to come to him instead of run from Him. I chose to worship when my heart hurt. I chose to stay soft and open. I chose to unravel instead of self preserve. I chose to lay all my questions at the feet of Jesus without needing the answers. I chose to come to my only life line – where else would I go!?

There’s only ONE who hasn’t left me as the days have rolled on and life for most has ‘returned to normal’.. There’s only One who knows me inside & out, only One who paid the highest price not only to buy me back forever, but to FREE me (and Kimmy) from the consequences of sin and death forever making my heart His home and temple! What kind of King leaves his throne for a sinner and HimSELF exchanges all he is for all we are to make us compatible with Him – Holy forever!?

It has been a journey. One of processing pain, exchanging lies for truth and allowing love to come close enough to heal. But better we walk ‘through’ the valley of the shadow of death with the Shepherd then get stuck in the valley forever!?

She won the race, the baton has been passed now it’s our turn to run the next leg! We don’t know how many more days we will have to add to our own tally here on earth, so lets not take even a single one for granted.

Choose not to self protect.
Choose to be vulnerable.
Choose healing over pain.
Choose joy.
Choose peace.
Choose forgiveness.
Choose life.
Choose to live it!
Choose extravagant love.
Choose to receive love.
Choose to be love.
Choose the One who IS love.

Jesus.

Kimmy was and is now soo much like Jesus, she loved without restraint, she laid down her life daily, she shared the Gospel – the good news intentionally, she choose joy and lit up every room she walked in with her cheeky eyes and mischievous joy-filled smile. She looked just like Him. I love and miss her more than words can say but thanks to the healing touch of our Abba Father I can say it’s been 730 days of healing, letting go, forgiving myself, receiving forgiveness and celebrating her Wonder-filled life.

Today is a celebration and I choose to celebrate her with JOY! Today we dance, like she loved to, we adventure like she did and we love – just like Jesus.

Now it’s your turn to go..
& in your going, make disciples.

If you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one and have struggled to let go of the pain, if you feel stuck in the valley, I declare over you today that you have permission to start walking again. You have permission to heal, to turn around and face Jesus. I declare that loss no longer shapes, potters or defines you – Jesus does! If you need a chat and a cheeky prayer sesh, we are all keen to hear from you. ❤

The veil that separates us from eternity is VERY thin, so let’s look forward to our glorious reunion when we put off our earthly dwelling and embrace again, and in the mean time let’s link arms & stand at the gates of hell to redirect traffic!

It’s time to let Jesus heal you, it’s time to let love close enough to reveal you and set you free!

Don’t give up, your freedom is here..

All my love
Chantelle
xx

“For we will discard our mortal “clothes” and slip into a body that is imperishable. What is mortal now will be exchanged for immortality. And when that which is mortal puts on immortality, and what now decays is exchanged for what will never decay, then the Scripture will be fulfilled that says: Death is swallowed up by a triumphant victory! So death, tell me, where is your victory? Tell me death, where is your sting? It is sin that gives death its sting and the law that gives sin its power. But we thank God for giving us the victory as conquerors through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One. So now, beloved ones, stand firm, stable, and enduring. Live your lives with an unshakable confidence. We know that we prosper and excel in every season by serving the Lord, because we are assured that our union with the Lord makes our labor productive with fruit that endures.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭15:53-58‬ ‭TPT‬‬

For those of you who don’t know, Kimmy wrote an incredibly beautiful piece of writing about a month before the accident and titled it ‘Endless Summer’ here is the link if you’d like to read it! x

https://fromtheheart145938268.com/2021/03/23/endless-summer-2/

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A letter to my Hero

This is not how it should be.

This is not what it should be like, this is not what we expected and nothing like what we pictured. It’s not ok, and it IS ok to acknowledge that. Life is different and that is an understatement. Where her colour, love and friendship used to be, there is space. Nothing and no one could ever fill that space – the comfort of our Heavenly Father is the only thing that comes close to filling the void and even then, the embrace and nearness of each other is still deeply needed, more than ever.

But – we are ok.

We’re not broken, in fact we’re far from it. We are experientially grounded in the goodness, nature and character of our Kind Father. We are whole. We are strong. We are FULL of joy because we KNOW it’s ‘the thief [that] comes only to steal and kill and destroy. But HE came that we may have LIFE and have it ABUNDANTLY!’ John 10:10 – and abundantly it is for Kimmy now!

Never have we doubted His goodness and only by His grace are we able to stand – stand firm then in the truth, knowing that she has won the race, she is safe forever, eternally in the arms of Jesus, forever free from the grip of satan. Free forever from fear, pain, anxiety and torment.

Forever enjoying her Endless Summer – ‘[her] war is over. He has created an eternal place of internal rest for a soul that only knew how to fight. A safe space of wild freedom that liberates every fiber of [her] being from every ounce of fight… and turns [her] heart to fight for others.’ – Endless Summer – Kimberly Wilks

And fight we will. For the lost, the lonely, the hurting, the widow, the orphan – we will fight till our dying breath for each one to know how wide, how deep and how high the love of the Father is for them! Worth the death and resurrection of His one and only Son Jesus! We commit to standing at the gates of hell and redirecting traffic. Fight – we will, Kimmy.

Mum, you are my hero. You have made a decision to stay, to be present, to be real, raw, vulnerable. To let it out when it comes, and to enjoy every moment it doesn’t. You invite everyone you meet into family. You don’t just embrace people with your hands, you embrace them with your heart. You are Jesus with skin on. You amaze me with your strength, the way you choose to be quick to forgive, slow to speak and the way you fight to understand. You have demonstrated life with Jesus on mountain tops, but I have been even more impacted by the way you have walked *through* the valleys.

Your answer is yes. Your weapon is love. You don’t care if anyone ever knows your name, but I surely pray they do. You don’t seek position, acknowledgement or glory and that is why HE is so clearly seen in and through you.

He trusts you. He hasn’t changed His mind.

Your yes, your life, your love, is changing the world.

One person at a time.

 Starting with me.

I love you, with my whole heart.

Thank you. For everything – every prayer, every moment, every laugh, every tear, every mountain and every valley. Thank you for walking with me through them all, for teaching me what life with Jesus should look like and pointing me towards Him when I forget to look up.

What a Wonderful world – because YOU are in it.

I adore you.

Happy Mothers Day.

The Goodness of God

Written by Sharon Wilks

In what could have been the worst season of my life, I can say with conviction that I have cried more tears over the goodness of God than over anything else.

It all started with a knock at the door.

A knock that changed my life forever. It was designed to take me out – knock the wind out of my sails, but instead, it put the wind in my sails that redirected me to what’s truly important and opened my eyes to see the goodness of God that has always been there.

—

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

We had just returned to the resort where we were staying in Darwin after attending the Sunday afternoon church service. There was a knock at the door and I opened it expecting to see one of the two receptionists we had prayed for earlier that day. Instead, I saw a policeman and a chaplain. He was young and had a serious look on His face. They said they had some bad news and asked if they could come in.

Everything within me was screaming NOOOOOOOO! But we let them in. We had to.

Wayne said ‘it’s our daughters isn’t it?’

These things happen to other people, they don’t happen to us. They happen in the movies, not to us. The policeman said ‘Kimberly didn’t make it, Chantelle is critical.’ He couldn’t answer any more of our questions because the accident had happened across the Queensland border and he was just asked to deliver the news to us.

My Mum had passed away in July of 2018, my Dad in October and my brother in January of 2019, but losing Kimberly was next level shock – totally unexpected.

—

By normal human reasoning, these eight months of my life should have been my deepest darkest valley however, it has actually revealed to me more of the goodness of God than I have ever seen in my entire life. When my Dad died on our journey to Darwin, the Lord said to me “One day you will see this as my kindness.” God was absolutely right!

‘Beloved brothers and sisters, we want you to be quite certain about the truth concerning those who have passed away, so that you won’t be overwhelmed with grief like many others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, we also believe that God will bring with Jesus those who died while believing in Him.’

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

Through the previous three deaths in my family, He has taught me so much about grieving – not as the world grieves, but with hope that we will be reunited again. He has prepared me for, and helped me in this, Kimberly – the hardest one of all.

The truth is – He is always good.

It’s who He is.

It’s the very nature and character of God.

He is love. The nature of love is good.

It is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Within hours, the Doctor from Mt Isa rang and said they had scanned Chantelle’s brain and spine and there were no injuries. Shortly after, the Doctor used her own phone to FaceTime us so we could see Chantelle and talk to her. I could see there was a Pastor with her who was a great man of faith. This gave me so much peace, that she was in good hands and not alone, when we couldn’t be with her.

Our Pastor and his wife were with us within minutes of the news and they already had people praying. They rang people for us and organised our plane tickets to be with Chantelle and also paid for them. These were all things we couldn’t do for ourselves – we couldn’t think straight. When plans got changed and Chantelle was moved to a hospital in a different city, it was no problem. They cancelled those tickets and organised new ones. Our amazing Pastors drove us to the airport the next morning, then when we arrived in Townsville, we found out that the Police had organised free accomodation for us in units where cadets stayed while they completed their training.

Many of our friends had offered to fly to be with us, to all we said ‘no thanks, we are okay.’ However, two friends refused to hear us and arrived in the afternoon. When I saw them, I just cried.

We didn’t know what we needed until it arrived – FAMILY.

Not long after this, Wayne rang Chantelle’s boss and asked for Kim’s Manager to ring him if she was up to it. Kim had been witnessing to her and was so excited because she just knew she was so close to surrendering her heart to Jesus. She had been like a Mum to Kim. Her boss soon called Wayne and he led her to the Lord – I just cried. This was the beginning of God showing me I had a heart for souls.

The Police that attended the scene said it was a miracle that Chantelle and Noah survived… Gods goodness. The surgeon said that Chantelle’s elbow was so shattered that they may have to relocate it and may not even be able to fix it. Before surgery, Chantelle made the entire surgical team stop and pray with her. The surgeon later said that when they put the metal plate in her arm, the bones all just came together… the goodness of God! He also said that when there is an injury as severe as her elbow was, there is almost always at least two other severe injuries… the goodness of God!

The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. I come that they may have life and have it abundantly. (John 10:10) He is always good… if it’s not good, it’s not God. The enemy will always come and try to cause us to question Gods goodness but we must settle it in our hearts once and for all – He is always good, it’s who He is, it’s His nature.

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the and who trusts in Him.

Psalm 34:8

This has certainly been our experience in this season. Not understanding everything and having questions unanswered, but trusting Him and trusting His nature no matter what.

On day three after the accident, one of Kimmy’s friends sent me a message that Lovkn, (one of Kims favourite artists that she had travelled to Brisbane to hear) had read her blog ‘Endless Summer’ and had written a song from it. The song was so beautiful!  All I could do was cry. I asked permission to use it at her funeral and was given the green light. (He will also be releasing the song on his next album because he wants everyone to know how wonderful Kimmy is). Another beautiful friend of Kimmy’s let us know that she had choreographed a dance in her honour and was happy to perform it at her celebration! The tears kept coming.

There was one day, Wayne had twisted his ankle and he couldn’t walk on it, so we spent five hours going to the Doctors, getting x-rays, a moon boot etc. We stopped at a cafe and Wayne sat in the car while I went in and ordered drinks and food. I could hear a group of Christians talking nearby. When I went to leave with my hands full, one of the guys from the group held the door open for me, I went to the car and delivered the food but all of a sudden I was compelled to go back and tell this man that I had received the goodness of God because of his kindness. I knew he was a Christian, but was also aware that life is too short not to tell someone when we have seen the goodness of God through them.

I could go on and on recounting the most touching accounts of all the amazing things that people have done for us, but the truth is that in everything people did for us, I saw and received the goodness of God. They are too numerous to count and I don’t want to leave anyone out because every act of kindness caused me to see the goodness of God and receive the overwhelming love of God.

The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who trust in Him. Nahum 1:7

I can honestly say that in this season, I have cried more tears at the goodness of God than I have tears of loss and grief. He has surely held us and kept us and deepened our intimacy and trust in Him.