3 Years, 1095 Days.

Today is 3 years, 1095 earth days since Kimmy went to be with Jesus. I wonder how many days it feels like for her on the other side? Completely free from sin, guilt and shame, totally one with her Beloved, living in that Endless Summer of peace and joy – more alive than we are!

You can read Kimmys ‘Endless Summer’ blog post here!

I miss her dearly, her laugh, her contagious joy and mischievous nature, I think she gets that from our Dad! Her soft compassion and endless faith in humanity’s ability to be kind and reflect the nature of our Lover King Jesus, if we’d just believe.

It comes in waves and sneaks up on me sometimes, mostly when I least expect it. It’s been a journey for sure, one of learning to let it out when it comes (generally at the most inconvenient of times) and being totally ok with that. Trusting that the unconditional love and understanding of the people around me is enough to be safe and vulnerable – seen and known for who I really am in all of the moments without judging me for any of them.

I’ve been learning that when I’m messy, I’m actually ok. I am brave and strong in those moments if not even more so than when I have it all together.

She was good that – seeing the gold in people and choosing to believe the best no matter where people were at, especially me. I think she gets that from our Mum. Divine patience and unconditional love!

People felt safe with Kimmy, even if it meant that she was confronting things that were not right with the truth, it was always done in love. I miss that about her, the way she would bring a double edged sword but somehow leave you feeling like her best friend.

She was the cheekiest –righteousness convicted- person I knew, she was so funny but NEVER crossed the line! I remember often cracking a funny and hearing ‘ELLIE NOO! YOU CANT SAY THAT!’ 😂 ‘I don’t remember YOUR name being Holy Spirit!’ I’d say back and continue on my naughty-cheeky escapade making our Mum laugh. 😉

Kimmy hated reality TV, especially MAFS, she couldn’t get past the drama HOWEVER she would watch it with me because she knew I loved it! I remember watching with her one night and leaning over I started flicking her earlobe while she gritted her teeth thinking ‘she’ll get bored and stop soon surely’ BUT as you can already tell.. I didn’t 😂 I kept flicking her earlobe till she violently shook her head squirming & tried to get away! Oh how I LOVED annoying her, as every big sister should!

We had this funny joke about her ‘man scream’ whenever she was scared she would let out this part scream / mostly grunt, AKA ‘the man scream.’ We would hide and scare her just to hear it then lose our bananas laughing. 😆

Kimmy had her struggles with fear – as we all do, but what I loved about her was any time fear came knocking, she would run to her secret place with the Lord and unpack it with Him and let him shine the light of His truth into that space and bring freedom – even if it took days! Her intimacy with the Lord still inspires many in their own walks with Him, including me.

We had the gift of being able to work together for a season in the same shopping centre (different stores, same owners). We would often run into the others persons store and sabotage whatever they were working on at the time – totally undermining their leadership just for laughs.

I remember she had these UGLY shoes which she loved, and this one day she had stolen the bin of good hangers from my store, so I snuck into her store with the intention of stealing the bin back however I saw she had taken her shoes off, so I stole them AS WELL and had one of the boys put them on top of the sign near the roof.. So when she realised the hangers were missing, she ran into MY store and found the bin of hangers (still shoeless) grabbed the bin soo quick all the hangers went FLYING.. THEN she looked up and realised where her shoes were – we all lost it!!

Kimmy loved herself a giant jar of Nutella! Whenever I wanted to bless her or if I knew she’d had a tough day, I’d pop a big jar and spoon by her bed and wait for her to find it! I miss the days she would feel sad and lay on my lap while I stroked her hair until she felt better.

It’s the little things I took for granted that I now miss the most. Doing life with my best friend who saw me, who knew me inside and out, who saw my raw moments, who knew me behind closed doors AND on the stage, and chose to believe in me and see only who the Lord had called me to be. She never judged me for a moment rather she called me by my true identity – a Child of God.

That’s what you do for those you love, instead of pointing out the mess, we remind each other of the TRUTH. It’s the truth that holds the power to set people free! Truth is a person, truth is Jesus! When we really love, we allow people space and room to be real and authentic, space to make mess, to move and adapt and change and grow – space to figure it out as they go. All the while cheering ‘Yes! You’ve got this! I believe in you!’ Just like the Father does. Just like Kimmy did.

He doesn’t expect perfection, just a heart that responds ‘I love you too!’ As we hear His gentle whisper ‘Ah! But I loved you first!’

Kimmy, I love you more than words could say, I miss your presence here on earth and your endless belief in me. I can’t wait to catch up and introduce you to all the beautiful new people in my life, but until then, we have a mission here on earth – to know Him, and make Him known.

I know you’re enjoying your Endless Summer!

“Beloved brothers and sisters, we want you to be quite certain about the truth concerning those who have passed away, so that you won’t be overwhelmed with grief like many others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, we also believe that God will bring with Jesus those who died while believing in him. This is the word of the Lord: we who are alive in him and remain until the Lord appears will by no means have an advantage over those who have already died, for both will rise together.”

1 Thessalonians 4:13-15 TPT

Endless Summer

By Kimberly Wilks. Feb 2019.

I close my eyes, and breathe in deep. As fresh oxygen fills my lungs, I sit in this pocket of bliss – taking in the raw tracks through wild country that lay before me. On my left, raging blue and green expanses of fierce uncharted waters. On my right, deep green melts into blues and vast hues of purple yellow and orange as the sun sets over mountain ranges which are covered in wild pine and oak trees. Before me – untamed, uncharted and uninhibited land. The greatest adventure yet. I hear my beloved’s whisper

“Welcome to the Endless Summer”.

Hope fills and overwhelms every fibre of my being as I begin to ponder His whisper – this great adventure. The summer that never ends. Memories of summers past flood my mind and bring with them familiar feelings of the bliss I encountered in the midst of these adventures. Permission to play puts my heart at ease and releases tension I didn’t realise I was carrying. As I continue to ponder, I sense a deepening awareness that this summer is wildly different from all the rest. This adventure is not just a seasonal invitation for pockets of peace and moments of bliss – it’s an invitation to stay. It’s not merely a break from the stress and pressure of the world – but complete and utter freedom from it… forever.

This extravagant act of an invested lover reveals a deep kindness in his nature that melts my heart and draws me to engage with him. This invitation not only releases me from every kind of heaviness my soul has ever known, but it liberates my heart to begin to engage in the real adventure – the endless pursuit of a Lover King who has obliterated the power of everything that once separated my heart from his. This Lover King who did everything in his power to close the gap. Who saw that it wasn’t enough to simply be with me in the flesh –  he had to be closer than that. He had to make a home in my heart. To be close in every moment- and take care of me from the inside out. I begin to realise that nearness has always been his goal. Every move he’s ever made has been towards me. A fierce intentionality fills his every gesture. His motivation – simply to be near.

Finally, the fight is over. Peace is no longer a substance to obtain..or something I can loose. It’s not running away from me. He’s running towards me. No longer to do I need to fight to preserve my freedom, my rights, my joy or my peace. Once upon a time, my every effort was geared towards finding joy, bliss, peace and pleasure..and keeping it. Preserving it. Fear ruled my choices because the slightest change in my surroundings would threaten my internal experience of peace and joy. The gift of this kind lover – the Endless Summer – is the freedom from the fight. No longer am I motivated to preserve my peace – for it can no longer be threatened by surrounding circumstances. The gift of the Endless Summer is the gift He has fought for with His life. It’s the oasis of constant nearness to the one who loves me like no other. All the energy I once used to preserve my heart, is now free to simply engage in the beautiful one. The one who saw fit to gift my heart with this outrageous freedom – for freedoms sake. With no other motive in his heart, and no strings attached. Simply – enjoy the gift of being wildly and wonderfully free. Suddenly striving becomes a fickle idea as it’s exposed for what it really is – the subtle but deadly belief that the heart of Jesus is passive about me in some way. How could I add to what he has already done? Do I really believe that my desire to be free could outweigh the strength of his desire for me to be free?

The war is over.

He has created an eternal place of internal rest for a soul that only knew how to fight. A safe space of wild freedom that liberates every fibre of my being from every ounce of fight for me and turns my heart to fight for others.

I breathe in deep, and behold the last glimmer of golden sun as it sets over the last of the hills. My heart leaps within me as I contemplate the end of a life of working-to-rest, and the beginning of the Endless Summer. A life anchored in the depths of my lovers heart – free from the fight of all i’ve ever known. Free from fear. As I take one last glance at the setting sun, I feel the thrill of my Father as he ushers me into the dawn of the best day I’ve ever had. I hear his whisper once again..

“Welcome, my dear, to the Endless Summer…”

Hitting the ‘Reset’ Button

‘God, I don’t want to leave!..’

…‘What if you didn’t have to?’

Dedicated to Roman, for your 29th Birthday.

Sometimes we get to engage in moments that make us stop, wide eyed in wonder; moments that reset our souls and cause us to question, ‘how did I miss this?!’ These moments remind us of our true north and cause us to reflect on the meaning of life.

This happened for me in a field, with no light or noise pollution, in the middle of the night, with a treasured friend. We shared our hopes and dreams as we sat in wonder, admiring the Milky Way and enjoying the presence of complete silence.

That moment, was like hitting the reset button. I didn’t want to leave, and I told God that, but today I heard Him respond ‘What if you didn’t have to?’

I don’t think he means I should stay in the middle of that field by myself for the rest of my life – that wouldn’t be good for anyone.. (especially me). I believe He meant that space – a place of complete silence, peace of mind and soul, complete trust – having questions but being okay with not knowing the answers;  simply enjoying the wonder of His heart and knowing that He is, I AM. What if we could stay there?

When I was a child, I didn’t think about the things I think about today, like – if I don’t go to work, I don’t have finance to splash on others, or if I don’t do my washing, I won’t have anything clean to wear! Ew.. When I was a child, I didn’t have to think about those things because my parents had it all covered. So I could enjoy being a kid.

But somehow, there I was in the middle of a field astounded at the Milky Way and I wondered ‘how did I get here?’ See, we’ve adopted this mentality that when we ‘grow up’ we must be as productive as possible, have it all together, become a little more serious AND ALL THESE THINGS ARE GREAT… However if these things come at the expense of slowing down, resting, peace, joy, being childlike in our nature, appreciating moments, stopping for the sunset or laying in a field in the middle of no-where enjoying the silence and stars.. then I think we’ve missed it to some degree.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still watersHe restores my soul. Psalms 23:1-3

I don’t believe the Fathers best plan for us requires us to be SO busy doing ‘the things’ that we neglect the good Shepherd when He is wanting to love us by making us lie down in green pastures or leading us beside still waters to restore our souls.

So how’s your soul? Have you asked it how it’s doing lately?

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child and set him before them, and said, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, unless you repent [that is, change your inner self—your old way of thinking, live changed lives] and become like children [trusting, humble, and forgiving], you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:1-3

I so admire the way a child can be unfairly treated, shed a couple tears then get right back in there and play with the same children. Maybe there’s more to being childlike than we think?

I’ve noticed they don’t give much attention to what others think of them, if they’re hungry – everyone knows. If they have something to say, they say it without fear of being rejected. If there’s music – they dance. They play in the grass in a world of wonder like it’s the most incredible thing EVER. They are fully present in the moment. They enjoy pulling faces and delight in the pleasure of their parents over them… Maybe instead of ‘growing up’ we should consider what it would mean to ‘grow down’?

I don’t mean we should be insensitive in our child-likeness though.. For example, I wouldn’t run to my Mum and yell ‘FEED ME’ in the middle of a church service. *LOL* Like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:19 –

For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.

I mean this in the best way possible, like ‘may we never lose our wonder’.

In today’s age, it’s impossible to be out of reach – social media giving the world a play-by-play of our highlight reels, we’re on call all the time, we carry mobile devices so we can be reached anywhere, but when does it end?

My phone is always on silent, I cant stand the obnoxious sounds it makes to pull on me for my attention. After being in the middle of that field I have decided to be intentionally present – to enjoy moments, to love deeply and forgive quickly, to trust the righteousness of my brothers and sisters – just like a child; to follow when he leads me to green pastures, to respond when he asks me to be still; to appreciate rest and to love the one in front of me, to be ‘out of reach’ and be ok with it.

‘I don’t want to leave here!’..

…’What if you didn’t have to?’

There’s so much ‘noise’ in our day to day lives, why not take some time out in a field, or by the ocean, or on a mountain to hit the ‘Reset’ button with the Father and enjoy the wonder of life again?

Happy Birthday Roman…